So, it has been about a month since my ex broke up with me. I am finally stable enough emotionally to write about it (or maybe I am just not being lazy anymore LOL). I am not one to air my whole issues online and bash him. That is rude and uncalled for, no matter how bad it was. But a general scope on things is there were things we could not agree on, that he felt strongly about and it just was not working out. It was a constant dilemma for him in our 3 and a half years together and it caused unnecessary tensions. In that instance, he felt it was necessary for us to break up.
I disliked the events that happened, since it happened within weeks after graduating college and I was thrown into an emotional roller coaster of problems that resulted me in having health issues. I have never felt so low about myself and the feelings I felt were indescribable. The amount of stress this event put on my body, my mental state, and spirit is life changing and it has left a battle scar.
After much thought and prayer and thousands of pep talks and inspirational videos, I have considered it was best we did not get back together and that us breaking up was the best thing for me. I don’t want to make it seem like he was horrible, because he isn’t. We had many great times during our time together and made wonderful memories. Besides the last month, being with him was good. But I cannot let go of what happened and the things that were said. I have no horrible feelings toward him and I wish him the best, I really do. And I hope at some point in the future we can be friends. We are both at an understanding and are doing our best to deal with what happened. But now I must do what is best for myself. It is time I focus on myself now, after 3 and a half years of giving, it is time to focus on me. With that being said, it definitely has changed me for the better.
So now that I am single, now what? Well, I am taking life one day at a time. I gave myself plenty of time to grieve over the loss of my relationship and found so much love and support from my family and friends. I am learning to love myself and getting to know who I am. Being with someone for a long time, it seems I have lost who I was, and I have to find her. So, now I am on the path to self-discovery.
I’ll admit, I was so scared to be single. I mean first I graduate college after 5 years at CI. I turned 23 years old shortly after that. Then my boyfriend breaks up with me. There were a lot of changes occurring before my eyes and I was terrified. Terrified if I would ever recover. If I would find a job or if I am strong enough to handle life. Or what if I never found love again, or if I did, what if it goes on for years for him just to end it suddenly? These constant thoughts ran through my head, sometimes they still do.
But I have realized that this is a brand new beginning for me. The possibilities are endless and I have so much to offer in this world. So, on July 19, I declared it would be the start of My New Adventure. I finally received my diploma and life was looking up. I saw my best friend that I hadn’t seen in 5 years that day and went to Disneyland and met with my cousins. I got a “I’m Celebrating” button where I had the cast member write A New Adventure on it. I watched the parade and fireworks and sung my heart out to all of them. I had amazing pep talks with my mom and cousins and friends. That day was pure magical, that was when I felt life was going to be alright.
I still have my moments where I get sad. That is normal to feel that way. And maybe it isn’t the person I necessarily miss but it was a “habit” to have him there and sometimes habits are hard to break. I miss him at times but I think I’m coping more with the loss of a lover, a friend, and stability in my life. I am being extra kind to myself and doing all the things I love to do. I am promoting self-love because after a break up, it is necessary to constantly feed yourself love. I am trusting God that it is time for new changes and that He must be up to something for all these doors closing. I know there are so many more doors for Him to open as I walk down the hall of life. I am anxious and rather curious to see what awaits me. I am going to Keep Moving Forward, as Walt Disney says.
I know I’ll keep smiling through and that life will turn around for me. I am learning that I am an incredible person and I have so much love to share with people. My happy ending will come to me soon. I get to do all the things I have wanted to do but couldn’t. The world is literally at my fingertips. I am going to take advantage of every opportunity and create a life I have always dreamed of. I will continue to work on myself and be myself because God isn’t done with me yet. In fact, He is just getting started! 🙂
Thanks for reading! Feel free to share any break up stories or ways you got over a break up and ex.