8 Things to do After a Break Up

Break ups are not fun, right? The feelings you will experience are unlike any other. I still remember the pain and hurt I felt after my ex broke up with me. Time will be your best friend when it comes to healing but here are some things I think every person should go through after a break up. Some of these are from my recent experience that would have made it easier for me.

  1. Allow yourself to cry. Yes you read correctly. Give yourself time to grieve over the break up. It is completely normal and part of the healing process. Cry, scream, do whatever you need to do to get it all out. You experienced a loss and it is going to hurt for a while. Let it all out and no holding back. I think I cried every day for a week, to a couple of times a week. And I cried sporadically throughout the break up months.
  2. No Contact Rule. I know it is going to be hard but do not contact your ex for at least 2-3 months, longer if you have to. If you keep communicating with them, it makes it harder to recover and get over them because you will feel they are still in your life. My ex constantly contacted me and it has made letting him go harder. Let them know you need a break and need time to cope. Trust me, it is something I learned the hard way.
  3. Remove them from Social Media. Another hard thing to do but you do not need to be checking on them all day every day. They are no longer yours and if you still see them on social media, you will still feel connected to them. It is part of the No Contact Rule, and it will help you with the recovery process if you don’t see what they are doing. You don’t need to see what they did at school or what new job they have or the worst, they are dating someone new. You are not part of their life and you should focus on yours.
  4. Treat yourself. It is going to be a rough road in the healing process so be nice to yourself. Positive talks and doing what makes you happy is key. I ate a lot of my favorite foods and watched Disney movies and bought myself things that made me happy. I also went to Disneyland a lot because it made me happy. Doing what makes you happy and being extra kind to yourself helps you to feel a little better, even when you don’t.
  5. Surround yourself with people who love you. This is so important! Being around others who love you will help when you have lost the love you had with your ex. It won’t fix it but it will help. And make sure you have at least one person you can confide in to talk about the break up. Talking about it helps and does wonders and you’ll need someone who isn’t going to mind constant conversation about it for as long as you need it. And having people helps to get rid of the “lonely” feeling you will have.
  6. Stay active. I know after a break up you want to crawl into your blanket cocoon and binge watch Netflix shows while eating your heart out but it is important to stay fit and active and get exercising! I don’t mean you have to go to the gym every day but you need to be outside. Whether it is walking, running, or sitting outside, fresh air will do you good. Plus, exercise will help you look and feel great, all while helping you release emotions.
  7. Feel the emotions. You are going to experience a lot of different emotions after a break up. Sadness, guilt, anger, rage, relief, depression, confusion, and more. It is completely normal but work through them. I feel it is a good thing to feel these and work through them. It is hard of the healing process. And it is okay if you have these feelings for months. However long it takes, work through it.
  8. Do NOT rebound. Rebounds usually do not work. I think people should wait at least 5 months before pursuing another relationship or at least be mostly over their ex. I know it sucks being alone after sharing your life with someone but do not get with another person just to fill the void of your ex or to get over them. It doesn’t work and is unfair to the other person. It is okay to be single and let yourself have time to heal. Once you heal, you can be with someone you truly want to be with.

These are eight things that I feel are vital to do after a break up. It is necessary to heal and give yourself time to get over your ex. Time heals all things but these 8 things can help you heal a little faster. Be kind to yourself and you will be fine. Soon you will be able to carry on with life and find new love.

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Have any break up tips? Write them in the comments! 😀

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The Reason(s) I Am Still Single…

It has been almost 9 months since my break up and I have people asking why I am still single. So I thought a simple blog post will do the trick.

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Being single is not a bad thing, let me say that. After dedicating almost 4 years to my ex and putting a lot of time and energy into him and our relationship, I felt it was time to be a little selfish (okay, a lot selfish) and dedicate time to myself and getting myself right. Not to say I didn’t enjoy building my ex up, I did, but I spent so much time on him that I forgot to take time for myself. And I think I deserve more than a few months of some TLC.

And I wanted to give myself enough time to get rid of my feelings and emotions towards my ex. I don’t think I’d forget about him because we never truly forget our first love but I needed to get rid of my feelings. All the pain, hurt, and anger I had after the break up needed to go and I did not want to rush my healing process. I deserved to take as long as I needed to heal and move forward. And I feel it would be unfair to the new man in my life if I still have unresolved feelings while being in a relationship with him.

I also figured that I needed time to get my life together again. After my car accident, I have been off of work for 4 months and my life didn’t leave my room and mostly went to doctor appointments. So I have not made myself available because I haven’t been out. Perhaps once I get back to work and get back on regaining my strength and getting rid of my injuries, I will feel a lot better about myself. I think getting myself back on a decent work routine along with my photography business and art will have me feeling like myself. Injuries can take a toll on you and can have you feeling pretty low about yourself. I have not been feeling 100% like me since my car accident and I would love to feel normal again before meeting anyone new.

It is time to take care of me and focus my life on me for a change. Plus, I am barely turning 24, I think I have plenty of time to find my soulmate. But in waiting for him, I shall take the necessary time to work on myself. I know I am not perfect and there are some things that I need to work on, and I think I will be a better partner to my mate if I can handle myself so I am not a complete train wreck when we do enter each other’s lives. I will find out who I am and get myself back on track to where I want to be.

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And this is not to say I do not want a relationship, because I do, when the time is right. But I think there are some things I need to do for myself before I can commit myself 100% to another man. I did it for almost 4 years and a much needed break for some “me time” would be awesome. I am not actively looking for a man either. I want to ensure I am happy being by myself and love myself before I get with someone. I want to be with someone because I want to be with him, not because I don’t like being alone or am trying to fill the void of my ex. That is unfair to both of us and he wouldn’t deserve that.

So, I do not doubt my ability to find a man. Perhaps I just need the time to focus on me and get to where Tiarah wants to be. Get working again, actually go to the gym, work on my photography business, and create more art. My life doesn’t have to stop because I am single. It is barely getting started. And once I am working and out meeting new people, I am sure I will find myself dating again and who knows, maybe even bring home a potential man. But until then, it is focusing on me and giving myself the time I need to recover from everything that has happened.

You don’t have to feel pressured to be in another relationship if you are not ready to after being with your ex. And it is not a race to see who gets in a relationship first. Take the time you need to heal and recover and get with someone who values you for you 🙂

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While You Are Single…

Being single. To some it is a depressing state to be in. For others, it opens doors to lots of opportunities, including freedom! But whether you are or aren’t enjoying your time being single, you should take advantage of the time you have not dedicated to a partner.

Let me tell you, when I first became single, I hated it. From sharing my life with someone for almost 4 years to having to adjust to life by myself, it was not my best time in life. But after the initial impact, the pain, and slight depression, I was able to realize that I can now focus on myself and do the things I couldn’t do because of a relationship. When you are in a relationship, a lot of your time and energy goes into that person and you naturally tend to back off on your needs and wants. But when you are single, all of that time and energy that would be invested in another person is now (or at least should be) invested in yourself.

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If you just recently became single, it is going to be a rocky moment while adjusting to just you. Give yourself some time, but not too much that you begin dwelling on it. Focus on yourself. Do the things you have always wanted to do. This is a perfect time to continue on the search of who you are as an individual. Your relationship and why it failed should have helped you grow and learn something about yourself.

Here are some tips on what to do while you are single:

  1. Pick up a hobby. Find something to dive into to occupy your time. If you have always wanted to learn how to paint, take a class or follow along on YouTube. Always wanted to blog?  Now is your chance to start it. Focusing on a hobby allows you to focus on you by doing something you like. Plus, it can open other doors in the discovery of who you are.
  2. Practice lots of self love: Being single can be hard for some, causing them to feel low about themselves. But while you are not loving anyone, love yourself! Give yourself positive self talk and keep yourself happy. Loving yourself is crucial to being in a relationship. You have to love and respect yourself before someone else can. When you love and become in tune with yourself, it allows you to understand who you are and what you want, and it also shows how others should treat you.
  3. Spend time with friends and family: Just because you are single does not mean you need to be alone! You have more time to spend with friends and family. Arrange days where you go out with friends and make a point to make it to family gatherings. Being around people who love and care about you is a good way to keep a positive attitude and to help you feel loved and special.
  4. Immerse yourself in your work/studies and work on skills: Keeping busy is key to getting rid of the single blues. Dedicate more time to work or focus more on your studies. Try to work harder to get that promotion you wanted or strive to impress your professor and get an A in that difficult class. If you have a skill or talent, immerse yourself in those. Hone your painting skills, learn a new way of fixing a car, or how to perfect your secret sauce in your homemade dish.
  5.  Know who you are: Take this time to get to know yourself. I always use the phrase “date yourself”, because that is what it’s like. Do activities by yourself and see how you react. Dig deep and figure out what makes you, you. Understand your likes and dislikes and work on the negatives about yourself but encourage the positives. Knowing who you are makes it easier for you to be sure of yourself and decisions you make. Plus, it helps build confidence being proud of you.
  6. Know what you want: This goes for relationships and life in general. Know what you are looking for in your partner. You should know what you can tolerate, what is a deal breaker, and you need. This will help rule out anyone who does not fit your standards. Know what you want out of life. This plays in your future partner as it determines what kind of life you want, whether that be marriage, kids or no kids, simple or extravagant lifestyle, and so on.
  7. Set goals and how to achieve them: Make a list of goals that you want to accomplish in a year, 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years. No matter how crazy they are, write them down. Formulate a game plan on how to achieve them and get started. Your goals and  how you go about them should not be influenced by having a partner.
  8. Enjoy life and have fun: Sure it can be hard being single when everyone seems to be in love but that does not mean you cannot have fun! Life does not slow down for anyone and instead of sulking and letting it past you by, take action and enjoy it. Plan a trip. Do things that make you happy. The perfect mate will come to you when it is time. Until then, why not have fun while you wait? Get your friends and family in on the fun, too!

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Being single isn’t too bad. Take this time to focus on you and what you want out of life. Trust me, you will be doing what you are supposed to be doing with the right person when the time is right. Enjoy the journey of finding yourself and loving the life you live. Who knows, you may come across your soulmate while on the journey 😉 Stay optimistic!

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Do you any other suggestions on what to do while you are single? I’d love to hear them! 🙂

Treat Yo Self: Valentine’s Day Edition

Who said Valentine’s Day is just for cute, lovey dovey couples? It can be for YOU TOO! Girl (and Guy), Treat Yo Self!

Here comes February 14, Valentine’s Day, the day of love! For those cute couples, it is time to get all mushy gushy  and buy their significant others flowers, giant teddy bears, and go eat somewhere fancy. It is a day to romance the other and to show that love is in the air! But what about for us single folks? Well, we usually spend the day sobbing at all the sappy love posts and drinking our way into misery.

KIDDING! We don’t do that. Sure, we do see all the sappy love posts and I am sure deep down, we wish we could have some of that sweet romance but a lot of us surround ourselves with others we love as well. And for some, we use it as a day to treat ourselves, spend money on us and do something special to show we love ourselves. For the single peeps who have yet to find their fish in the vast ocean, self love becomes vital on a new level, even more so after a break up.

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So, I believe Valentine’s Day for my single people should be a day to treat yo self. Go buy you something nice. Take yourself to your favorite restaurant. Spend the evening with a glass of wine and your favorite book or movie. Make yourself feel special because you do not need someone to make you feel loved. Loving others starts with loving yourself. Self love and self care is important. It should be done every day but sometimes we just need a day where it is set in stone.

And for those in a relationship, do not hesitate to practice self love as well. Just because you have a significant other does not mean you should stop loving yourself. Also take this day to treat yourself and show yourself you love you. It just isn’t for you and your lover to show affection and love. So show yourself some loving, too!

I hope you all have a lovely Valentine’s Day! Whether you were loving it up with your lover or enjoying the single life, I hope you took a little (or a lot) of time to practice self love and to treat yo self! 😀

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